A Burial · From the Original Site
R.I.P., Mr. Food Pyramid
In the emblem, a headstone sits upon the intestines — and inside it, the old food pyramid rests in peace, in pieces. The Breathairean Ensemble did not let him go without a proper service. Prof. Spira delivered the eulogy.
Ladies and Gentlemen, We are here today to lay to rest a dear, dear friend — someone who has been with us for a long time, for over three decades. Someone who we’ve depended on. Someone who we loved. I’m talking, of course, about Mr. Food Pyramid, Ladies and Gentlemen.
In 1974, Mr. Food Pyramid made a wonderful contribution to physiological enslavement everywhere! In an age of incivility, turmoil, death, destruction and disease, Mr. Food Pyramid helped comfort us in our ignorance.
Mr. Food Pyramid told us that it was okay to eat a piece of chicken. Go ahead and eat that fish, and that hot dog, and that cheese. Go ahead and eat that steak, brother! Would you like fries with that?
He was such a good friend. He made us feel good about ourselves and our diets. Mr. Food Pyramid will surely be missed.
So today we bury Mr. Food Pyramid. And may he rest in peace — in pieces.
— Prof. Spira, “R.I.P. Mr. Food Pyramid,” Spira Speaks